Uchiha Confusion
by Dyeh
Summary: Itachi's formulating a plan to kill two birds with one stone. Although, he didn't plan for one of the birds to mistake the word Brother for Lover. Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

Summary**  
**Itachi's having problems with one of his subordinates - an overly hyperactive 15 year old with the western name of Alex. Almost driven to the extent of insanity, he decides to two birds with one stone. He decides to sent Alex after Sasuke looking like him, with the hope that the younger Uchiha will do her in, and in turn Sasuke will believe that Itachi was dead and gone.**  
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But, like all things in Uchiha Itachi's life, nothing goes as it seems. Being the ditz that she is, Alex miss interprets "Brother" for the friend "Lover". Now Alex is after Sasuke, completely confused as to what she's supposed to be doing. Heck, she ain't the love machine that Itachi is. What is Sasuke going to do with his new, completely insane, stand in Brother?

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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own myself. Yes, I consider myself owned - take that! **

Okay. You and I both know that I shouldn't be starting a new story - I have like uh... three-ish in the works. But I couldn't help it. My mind wonders. So, I did a selfish thing, and included me in a story. (Go me!) It'll have short chapters, but I'm hoping to make it extremely funny. And before you ask, yes I do declare my undying love and allegience to Itachi in real life - all the time.

Also, I suggest that before you read this, you read my other story _Character Crazy_. No, this isn't a sequel, it'll help to get some of the jokes (like Kyuubi Ice-cream) when you read this. That, and it'll give you a damn good laugh. You like laughing, right? Anywho, enjoy the first chapter of _Uchiha Confusion_. 

**Character Crazy:** http/ I wouldn't call this... incest, no, not by a long shot, but it does have Shounen-ai references considering Alex is a complete ditz, and thinks that Itachi and Sasuke are lovers instead of Brothers.

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**Uchiha Confusion**

Grinning, Alex bounced hyperactively around in her cage, the one that she'd been sent too for proclaiming the word 'Ice-cream' fifty times in a row while wearing a pink hat made of feathers. That, and she'd failed to capture (or gather any information) on the Kyuubi on her last mission. "Itachi-sama, when can I come out?"

Itachi sighed. Attaching a piece of raw meat to a pointed pole, he paused momentarily, looking towards his 'right hand girl'. "… Later."

"Later for Itachi-sama! Got ya! What ya going to do with that meat? Huh? Huh?"

"…" Itachi grabbed the handle of the pole, sliding it between the bars of the cage that held her. Giggling hysterically, Alex made a swipe at the meat. Itachi moved it before she could get a good hold on it. This continued until Alex was covered in meat-juice, and Itachi was dead bored, but Alex didn't end up getting the meat.

;-;-;-;-;

"Now that you've learnt your lesson…" Itachi said, trying to ignore the fact that Alex was glancing around the room everywhere, giggling every time her eyes fell on something suggestive. (Like the curtains or a chest of draws.) "I have another mission for you."

"ANOTHER MISSION?" Alex screamed, rocking back and forth on her heels, grinning hyperactively at Itachi, who had instinctively covered his ears. "What kind of mission?"

"… I want you to go back to Konoha."

"WOW! REALLY? You mean you really want that K-K-Kyuu-bi" Alex stuttered over the word. She always managed to pronounce it wrong, "Ice-cream?"

"No. I want you to pay a visit to my brother."

"YOU HAVE FRIENDS?" Alex was clearly shocked. So shocked that she covered her mouth. Itachi sighed, rubbing his temple. Again, Alex had completely confused the situation.

"No, my brother – eh Sasuke – is family. Not my friend."

"Oooooh. So he's your lover then! Itachi-sama… I didn't think you swung that way."

If Alex hadn't been so essential for the mission, he would have put her back in the cage, this time with ravenous monkeys..

"No. He's my Bro-ther. Say it with me. Brother."

Alex didn't say it, but Itachi thought she'd gotten the picture.

"Alright. So this is what you have to do. I want you to go to Sasuke, but I want you to look like _me._"

"Like you?"

"Yes. Like _me._ You do know how to use Henge no Jutsu, right?"

Of course Alex knew how too. Itachi had been formulating this plan for over six months, and it had taken just that long for Alex to master the transformation.

"OKAY! I WILL DO AS ITACHI-SAMA SAYS, BECAUSE I AM BLINDLY LOYAL!"

"Excellent…" Itachi muttered, a small smirk flashed across his face that went unnoticed by Alex. _I'm so glad she's stupid._ Itachi thought offhandedly, pondering his plan one final time. _If she transforms into me and goes to find Sasuke, it'd be like killing two birds with one stone! Sasuke would kill her, and that would be a big load off my back, while at the same time Sasuke would give up trying to find me, thinking I'm dead! I'm a genius!_

;-;-;-;-;

"I'll do you proud!" Alex declared, saluting to Itachi, who was trying to hide an evident grin that _really_ wanted to pop onto his face. Of course, being the moron she was, it went completely unnoticed by Alex, who bounced up into the air, and over the Akatsuki headquarter walls, and into the forest. Itachi danced.

;-;-;-;-;

"I'm so happy that Itachi-sama trusted me with such an important mission!" Alex babbled to herself, grinning hyperactively. She'd been instructed to transform into Itachi only _when_ she reached Sasuke's puny apartment. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going to do my best! And I'll bring back Kyuubi Ice-cream to make him happy. HORRAY FOR HAPPY! But… I wonder why Itachi-sama didn't just go see his lover himself –"

;-;-;-;-;

_Back at Akatsuki Headquarters:_

Itachi stopped dancing. He'd just had a _really_ bad feeling, a cold rush of air through a cold window. "Oh shit." He muttered, "I hope she doesn't screw this up… my sexuality is in question here!"

;-;-;-;-;

"- Because, because I think that he'd make a better entrance than I could! And, and, and, I'll bet his lovers a real hotty. Only people who, who, who can date Itachi-sama – other than me, myself and I – have to be hot!"

Grinning hyperactively, she paused, mildly horrified.

"Wait… who's Me and Myself?" Alex suddenly shrieked, clasping her hand over mouth. "COULD ITACHI-SAMA BE IN LOVE WITH ME OR MYSELF AND NOT ME?" She added; "Or Sasuke" as an after thought.

Eventually, our insane hero, reached the apartment where Sasuke was living. The fact that Itachi had scribbled down the address on a small piece of note-paper made Alex even more sure that him and Sasuke were, in fact, lovers. Leaping through the window at the end of the hall, Alex landed almost directly in front of Sasuke's apartment (which out of coincidence was right next the window), looked around, and declared: "Henge no Jutsu!" Almost immediately, she was the spitting image of Itachi – she even had the Sharingan and the Akatsuki cloak.

"Man… I hope I'm as much of a love machine as Itachi-sama is." She muttered, before knocking on the door.

"Yeah, yeah." She heard a deep voice mutter, "I'm coming."

The poor unsuspecting Uchiha opened the door, blinking as he came face to face with what he _presumed_ was his older brother.

"SASUKE!"

Sasuke blinked, completely confused. That being said, you can imagine Sasuke's horror as he was glomped by his homicidal brother's stand in.

_To be continued…_

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_I hope you had a good laugh reading the first chapter. And, please, don't forget to review nn!_  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I ownly own Me, Myself, and I. -Stabs Me and Myself- n.n**

Hello! I'm back with chapter two! Go me! Okay. All the characters are kind of... out of character... esspecially Itachi, as much as I hate to admit it. But, people, open minds! This is all in the name of good humour. Speaking of which, have you read _Character Crazy_ yet?

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**Chapter Two**

_The poor unsuspecting Uchiha opened the door, blinking as he came face to face with what he presumed was his older brother._

_"SASUKE!"_

_Sasuke blinked, completely confused. That being said, you can imagine Sasuke's horror as he was glomped by his homicidal brother's stand in._

;-;-;-;-;

Sasuke hastily broke free from the bear hug that his 'Brother' had hit him with. "… I-Itachi?"

Alex paused. How would she act Itachi-ish in this situation? She had no idea. Better just improvise.

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

Sasuke blinked. He was more afraid of this Itachi than the other form, considering this one was now hopping back and forth from foot to foot as if it was standing on burning charcoal. _Why don't I just kill him now…_ Yes, that idea seemed… great! What a great idea that was! My god Sasuke was smart.

Silently, he tugged out a kunai from his holster, but blinked when he saw that Itachi was no longer in front of him, but rather at the side, attempting to communicate with a small red bird that had perched on the window sill of the window beside his appartment.

"Hi Mr. Bird! How're you? I'm good! … Mr. Birdy? How are you? Why won't you talk to me!"

Sasuke watched as the bird flew away, and Itachi lapsed into tears. Sasuke's problems only got worse when non-other than Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura appeared at the top of the stairs to his apartments floor.

Twitching, Sasuke watched as Itachi whirled around, and started skipping like a pansy toward the group, who formed what Sasuke would like to call a "Death stance."

"FRIENDS! HI FRIENDS!" He screamed, taking a dramatically long time to get there. Before Itachi was in their attacking range, Sasuke grabbed the end of his Akatsuki cloak, pulled him back, and hastily shoved him into his apartment.

;-;-;-;-;

"So… you're saying that Itachi just turned up on your doorstep like that, and you _didn't_ kill him?" Kakashi drawled, arching his visible eyebrow at Sasuke, who made an irritated noise.

"I was _about_ too, but that damn bird got in my way." Sasuke made a mental note to track down the red bird and cut it in two. "Then I spotted that there was something wrong with Itachi."

"You're telling me." Naruto stated, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding, "It really took you that long? God, Sasuke you're losing it!"

Naruto got a thump over the head from Sakura's fist. "BAKA! Sasuke-kun, I don't think anybody would have noticed that early."

Silently, all eyes trailed towards where Alex, still looking like Itachi, stood, giggling hysterically when her eyes fell on anything suggestive. (Like Sasuke's bookcase and desk chair.) Everybody sweat dropped.

"Well," Kakashi sighed, "I think it's safe to say that something drew Itachi over the edge. He's completely nuts. I'd be surprised if he even remembered what he did."

A giggle came from Itachi, "Nuts is a funny word!" It was ignored.

"You mean the massacre?" Sasuke asked, the question of which was a stupid one seeing as Sasuke knew what Kakashi had meant. "I'm not so sure…"

"Lets check. Hey, Itachi."

Itachi looked up.

"Do you remember what happened with you and Sasuke's family?"

"YOU MEAN WE'RE MARRIED?" Itachi squealed.

The group, again, sweat dropped. Kakashi drew his conclusion. "Yep. He don't remember a thing. I don't think he even remembers you as a brother, Sasuke."

"…"

"Never the less, it would be a good idea for you to keep him here. Besides," Kakashi continued, looking at Sasuke who had just been glomped by his older brother again, "it looks like he's taken a liking to you."

"Oh. Great. This is like Christmas."

;-;-;-;-;

"Here's your bed." Sasuke drawled, directing Itachi to a futon, that was on the other side of the room from Sasuke's.

He paused as he watched Itachi's eyes light up, and dive at the futon in a girlish fashion. "I HAVE A BED! SQUEE!"

"You mean… you haven't had a bed before?" Sasuke asked, sitting on his own futon. Itachi paused, rolling over to look at him.

"Not unless you could straw, moss and the occasional bird carcass."

_What… on earth has Itachi been doing all these years?_ Sasuke thought, glaring in his Brother's direction. They hadn't been in the same room for so many years…

Meanwhile, while Sasuke was thinking of all the household devices he could use to maul or fatally wound his older brother, Alex was thinking of very different things. _Why aren't we in the same bed? I thought Itachi-sama and Sasuke were lovers. Could I have been mistaken? _Her thoughts paused, swapped to something about cheese, then swapped back. _Nah. Itachi-sama wouldn't lie to me. Still… there is some distance between us… maybe I should do what Itachi would do and close the distance. I wonder what he's doing now?_

;-;-;-;-;

_What Itachi's doing now:_

"Oh, Kisame, can you imagine a more pleasant evening?" Itachi asked. He was in a _great_ mood. Alex was gone, for good, and he was now alone, with Kisame. Kisame being with him was the only let down, but he wasn't going to let that ruin his spirit!

"You know, Itachi, the idiot could have gotten it all wrong." Kisame said, ripping off as much meat of the chicken leg that his mouth could manage. The pair were currently sitting a the massive dinner table that was assigned just for them, that was covered with chicken, chicken, some pickles, and more chicken. Kisame swallowed. "She could be trying to _move in_ on Sasuke instead."

"Don't jinx it!" Itachi suddenly screamed, mortified at the thought of Alex trying to hit on his little brother… looking like him. "If you say that, it'll happen! So just, just, shut up!"

But, it was to late, Kisame had already spoken the words.

;-;-;-;-;

Alex blinked. _I think I just sensed a sign from my deep sub-consciousness that said to close in the gap!_

So, grinning, Alex, who by the way was still looking like Itachi, moved closer and closer towards unsuspecting Sasuke… before finally leaping on top of the younger Uchiha.

Sasuke, who had been half way to the land of dead Itachi's, got the wind blown out of him, and store blankly up at Itachi, who was now positioned in a _very_ suggestive way on top of him.

Itachi was moving in now, his mouth almost… almost… no. Itachi wouldn't. Plans to get Itachi off of him scanned through the younger Uchiha's mind, and being the calm and collected boy he was, Sasuke screamed high pitched like a girl, kicked Itachi in the balls (Itachi of which kneeled over, falling off of Sasuke), jumped up, and ran for the safety of a locked bathroom.

Once Alex was sure that Sasuke was firmly locked in the bathroom, she decided it was safe to turn back into herself again. After a small poof, Alex, who was in her normal rag clothes, clutched her groin. "Ow… now I know why you _never_ hit boys there… Man… it hurts and I don't even have anything there! Ow… Itachi-sama never said this would happen…"

She sighed in relief, and after the pain subsided, she formed the hand signals, and stated; "Henge no Jutsu." Once Itachi again, she curled up in her futon, and reflected over the happenings, coming up with one reason: Sasuke was playing hard to get.

_To be continued._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I be owned by me. ME! I TELL YOU! I don't own Naruto though xD**

I'm back with chapter three! Praise me people! Man, this stories been really fun to write. I love writing idiotic things n.n! Don't forget to review after you read it. Thanks .

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**Chapter Three**

All that morning, Alex had been overjoyed with the fact that one; she got to eat breakfast on a PLATE of all things, two; Sasuke's cooking was WAY better than the grubs that Itachi fed her, and three; Sasuke was taking her somewhere. Oh the joy! A date! For Sasuke and Itachi! She hadn't planned for Sasuke to slip a rope around her neck and drag her along behind him though, but she figured she had to take the bad with the good.

On another note, though, Sasuke was still sour over the night before, and it had taken pleading eyes from Itachi to actually make the food. And, once he'd set it in front of him, he'd mentally cursed in the question of why he'd just made a breakfast for his brother. Maybe losing it was in the Uchiha genes.

So now, Sasuke had decided to drag Itachi to his team meeting with him. It had seemed the obvious thing, seeing as Itachi's hand had been lingering very close to the draw on his dresser that contained his embarrassingly pink feather covered diary, complete with pink feathered pen. He'd made a mental note to burn it later.

Dragging Itachi had been literal, seeing as all the insane Uchiha had wanted to do was destroy the newly built ice-cream shops and ice-cream stands. Itachi had then spotted half a dozen things that he'd wanted to look at, (including the unhygienic male toilets), and in the end, Itachi had to be dragged kicking and screaming like a child.

Of course, Itachi caused a lot of commotion. Like; "Well now. Sasuke's finally caught his brother.", "Ooooo. Mummy, can I have one too?" and "Oh my god, hide all the Ice-cream!"

By the end of it all, Sasuke had had quite enough. And the first thing that Kakashi said didn't help either.

"Sasuke… did you have to bring that thing with you?" Kakashi asked, leaning against the tree, with Sakura and Naruto at his feet… along with Tsunade looking very board, leaning against the other tree. By the looks of things, they'd predicted that Sasuke would bring Itachi with him.

"So…" She muttered, watching Itachi with a rather blank look, as he looked around for anything suggestive. He found a tree and an acorn, but his eyes passed over two mating squirrels. "This is the Itachi that turned up on your doorstep."

"Yep." Sasuke said, now speaking over a hysterically laughing Itachi, "… He just randomly turned up and… BROTHER WILL YOU SHUT UP!"

Itachi paused momentarily, looking over to where the group was situated, along with Sasuke who was looking _very _dangerous. He promptly started to laugh hysterically again. Sasuke twitched.

"Well then." Tsunade said, now speaking into a mega phone, "I think that Itachi's completely lost it. He's no longer a threat to all the world, he's just an insane teenager bent with stress and the love for his-" at the word 'love', Itachi glomped his 'brother' again "- brother. See? Isn't that sweet, Kakashi?"

Under Kakashi's mask, a devious grin appeared. "Aw. Look at the two love birds."

"Why that little…" Sakura muttered, glaring daggers into Itachi, who was now rubbing his cheek up against Sasuke's, "Who does he think he is? This means war!"

;-;-;-;-;

"Yo. Itachi. Why aren't you helping?" A pissed off Sakura asked, strolling over to where Alex, still looking like Itachi, was tied to a tree on a rather short piece of rope.

"Eh?" He asked, blinking. Trying to pull himself free, but rebounded back onto the trunk.

"I want to talk to you about Sas-"

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Naruto's voice suddenly screamed over the top of everybody, and he waved his stick (that had a Can on the edge – team 7 had been assigned a rubbish duty for that day) in the air. The stick was fashioned in the same way as the stick that Itachi used to feed Alex, and she was temporarily mesmerized by it.

Unfortunately, that excelled into her jumping up, biting on the rope until it released her (resulting in a swearing Sasuke – that rope had cost him $5) and jumping at the can, that in true animation style, now looked – in Alex's eyes – like a hunk of meat. Naruto moved it out of the way just in time, and that avoided the stick sticking straight into the older Uchiha's skull. Sasuke was not impressed.

"Weee, I caught a fishy!" Naruto sang, now sitting on top of a branch that overhang the place that they were cleaning. Alex, still looking like Itachi, was hanging onto the can by her teeth and waving her feet in a fish like manner.

"Naruto!" Sakura snapped, pissed off that her 'talk' with Itachi had been interrupted. "Hurry up and finish what you were going to say!"

However, Naruto was too distracted with the fact that Itachi was hanging from his stick by his teeth… oh… if only he had a camera…

;-;-;-;-;

"Itachi, do you really have to go to this length?" Kisame asked, tilting his head as he followed Itachi into the Fox's apartment by sliding the window open. Itachi had been on a camera frenzy all day, having had a suddenly disturbing dream about Alex, dressed like him, trying to seduce Sasuke. He wasn't taking any chances with the idea that they could get a photo of him _like that_.

"These are the last cameras in Konoha, Kisame." Itachi replied, stoic as usual, he collected all 357 cameras from Naruto's apartment and used Katon: Housenka no Jutsu to incinerate the camera's into nothing but ash.

Kisame sighed, rummaging through Naruto's fridge, while Itachi swept the ash under a randomly placed mat, and then dragged the mat over the charred floor boards.

"Kisame."

Kisame looked up, swallowing the fish he'd been chewing. His arms were completely full of ramen.

"We had better go before somebody smells the burning."

"Right." Kisame stated, placing all but 57 cases of Ramen back into the over packed refrigerator.

As the pair left, they didn't notice one lone camera in the side of Naruto's scroll-shelf.

;-;-;-;-;

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed again, trying to get the blondes attention. It was still failing, probably due to the fact that Itachi was now trying to tug the can off the stick with his hands.

"Let me help."

"S-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed. Sasuke had decided that enough was enough. Older brothers were supposed to be embarrassing, but this was just… too much.

"Itachi."

Itachi twitched momentarily, his eyes turning towards Sasuke. He promptly released the can, dashed over to Sasuke, and enveloped him in a gigantic hug, rubbing his face against Sasuke's cheek. "Now, what were you saying, Naruto?"

"Huh? Oh! Right! After we finish the mission, lets all go to the hot springs!"

"The hot springs?" Sakura asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah! The ones with the bamboo fence that separate it, so that we can all talk and stuff! It'll be fun!"

The group paused, and nodded. Itachi included.

It was only afterwards that Alex realized that she had to be Itachi in the bath as well. Which meant bathing with men. But that also meant… she'd get a birds eye view at…

_To be continued._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own me... anyone know where I can get the offical ownership paper thingy for Itachi?**

Hello again! I'll bet you didn't expect me so soon, ha? But, I update fast, mostly because this is a fun story to write and I have a lot of time on my hands, seeing as its holidays. ... Anywho, please review after you read. I live for reviews, people!

**Note: All thoughts are now italic - sorry it took so long for me to notice.**

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**Chapter Four**

_It was only afterwards that Alex realized that she had to be Itachi in the bath as well. Which meant bathing with men. But that also meant… she'd get a birds eye view at…_

;-;-;-;-;

… the male change rooms! (A/N: Ha! I got you! Take that! You know you were thinking of a certain ninja's genitals!) Oh my god, she couldn't wait. This was also the perfect opportunity to get up close and personal with Sasuke for her master.

Personally, she couldn't stand Sasuke. He looked almost too good looking, and he didn't have the make-up that Itachi wore… and she was getting frustrated as to just how long she had to put up with the stupid teenager anyway. She wanted to get back to her beloved Itachi…

Still, she put these thoughts to the back of her mind as Sasuke put a 'new' rope around her neck, and tugged her in the direction with the others, who had finished their task while she'd been day dreaming. So now, it was off to the hot springs!

;-;-;-;-;

"Uh… why do you have clothes on?" A confused Sasuke asked as Alex, still dressed like Itachi – and brushing all different kinds of pink – lowered herself into the steaming water. The other three boys, Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi were butt naked, and looking at Itachi with a confused expression. They took the redness of his face from the steam.

"Um… the thing is… that uh… I… I WANT TO SEE A BIRDY!" This was a quick, yet stupid save for her, considering she was about to say; "I'm a completely different gender from you."

"You can see birds after." Sasuke muttered, settling himself further into the water, watching as his brother fidgeted, his gaze going in any other direction. _Well,_ he thought, _at least I can say for sure that's he's straight… well… I hope he is, anyway._

"SAKURA-CHAN! Are you in yet?" Naruto asked, now perched on the side of the hot springs, trying to look into where he heard the splash of Sakura. Itachi had gone even redder at the backside of the blonde, and had turned around in the other direction, only to be faced with a drying off Kakashi. After a high pitched scream, Itachi fell back into the water.

Naruto grinned, turning back to look at Itachi, who's head was submerged in the water. "Now we know where your scream comes from, Sasuke!"

"Shut up!"

"Sasuke, aren't you going to save your lovely older brother?" Kakashi asked, his towel now positioned around his waist.

Sasuke sighed, contemplating for a moment whether he should save his Brother. Finally, sighing, Sasuke plucked the older Uchiha's head out of the water, dragged him to the side, jumped out, got his towel, put his towel around him, and dragged the extra heavy late teen into the male change rooms.

;-;-;-;-;

Itachi bounced awake on his bed. He'd been having a pleasant afternoon nap, those were things that he could have now that Alex was completely out of the picture. Now, clutching his Sharingan patterned doona covers, he felt an odd aura around him. Almost like… Sasuke had just saved his double from death, by say… drowning…

_Oh shit._ Itachi thought, groaning at the thought. _That would mean that Alex is being an idiot and not… not… being like me! Oh crap! Crap, crap, crap! I'm going to have to go and set her straight. Right. Now._

"Itachi-san!" There came a knock at his door, "You have your 3:00 appointment now!"

_Okay. After the appointment._

"Then, remember, you're going to a; 'How to get the Homicidal Tendencies out of your system' workshop afterwards. And that goes for a week."

_Okay. After that's over. I'll go set that stupid child straight. She can't cause that much damage in that time… right? I mean, it's not like she's trying to teach Sasuke how to use the Sharingan or anything is it? … Fuck. Itachi, you idiot, you just jinxed it!_

­;-;-;-;-;

_Wow. Another thought from my deep subconsciousness!_ Alex thought happily, humming the Aeroplane Jelly tune while walking next to Sasuke. _I wonder how it is that they get the cream into cream rolls… Wow. My conscience must be having a party or something!_

"Um… Nii-san…"

Alex blinked. Why was Sasuke calling her 'Nii-san' (Big Brother) for? He'd always called her; That gunk, or shit face, or Itachi, but never 'Nii-san' before. Weren't they lovers? Maybe that was a pet name or something. Yeah. That had to be it.

"What be it, Sasuke-pie!"

Sasuke's hands made fists. "How… many… times… have… I… told… you… not… to… call… me… that…"

"Once. Just then."

"Ah, right, yeah, anyway. I was wondering… do you really not remember doing 'It'?"

"Doing it?" Itachi asked, tilting his head to the side. That's when it hit her. Didn't doing "it" in man speak mean making love? Wow! Alex was so bright! Go her!

"The extermination."

Alex paused at this. So he wasn't talking about a man thing after all. Oh well.

"Sure do!"

"Oh…" Sasuke's eyes downcast. He'd been getting used to having this hyperactive Itachi around, and it had only been a day or so, but he was starting to feel attached to his older brother. _However if he still remembers…_ Sasuke's thoughts were interrupted by Itachi.

"Yeah. The extermination guys took over three weeks to come! God, it was horrible waking up with cockroaches and ants in your bed, believe you me!"

"…"

Itachi had no idea what he was talking about. If Itachi hadn't forgotten, he would have known what Sasuke would have meant by 'It' by the tone he said it in. It was clear to him now, Itachi didn't have the faintest idea what he had done. He was just an insane mentally challenged teenager that had appeared on Sasuke's doorstep, not the insane homicidal maniac. A small smile appeared on Sasuke's face. He was going to get used to having this kind of Itachi around.

_To be Continued._

;-;-;-;-;

**Omake One: Sasuke's Pink Feathered Diary.**

_So now, Sasuke had decided to drag Itachi to his team meeting with him. It had seemed the obvious thing, seeing as Itachi's hand had been lingering very close to the draw on his dresser that contained his embarrassingly pink feather covered diary, complete with pink feathered pen. He'd made a mental not to hide it later._

You ever wondered why and how Sasuke came to write in a humiliating pink diary? Well, a friend of mine did, (and she almost killed me for it) so I decided to make it an Omake chapter. If there's anything else in the story that you want me to make an Omake for, just tell me in your reviews, okay? Good o! In case you were wondering, none of these follow the manga/anime storylines.

;-;-;-;-;

"Happy 13th Birthday, Sasuke!" Naruto screamed, waving from his post at the bridge at the Birthday Boy, who was covered in a thick layer of chocolate supplied by his many girl fans.

"…" Sasuke glared in Naruto's direction, and looked homicidally at him as he raced up, running his finger up Sasuke's arm, and tasting the chocolate that covered him.

"Wow. Sasuke, they made it themselves. You should try some."

"No."

"What's up your ass, Mr. Grumpy Butt?" Naruto asked, putting his hands on his hips in a mother imitation.

"Six ounces of chocolate." Sasuke replied. Naruto said nothing more.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura called, running towards the two boys, stopping three feet from Sasuke, holding out a surprisingly nicely wrapped present. The paper wrapping was black, and it made Sasuke think that maybe she gave him something normal.

He sighed, but accepted the present. She was his team mate after all.

_Oh yeah!_ Inner Sakura yelled, _Beat that Ino! Yeah, you can't? I knew you couldn't!_

She stopped gloating to herself when she saw Sasuke's reaction. He wore what looked to be horror, disgust, and annoyance on his face. "…"

"Isn't it lovely?"

Sasuke didn't hear her. He was too busy looking down at the diary that he'd been given. It was pink, covered with equally pink feathers. He opened it and found that the pages were pink too. But, perhaps, what he found most irritating was the fact that the pen was pink too, with pink feathers on the end, that actually had pink ink on it.

"So, what do you think?" Sakura asked, beaming.

"… Sakura… are you mad?"

Sakura was confused – but Inner Sakura wasn't. No way in the world was she confused. She pushed past the normal Sakura, taking charge of the body.

Sasuke took a step back, now faced with a very horrifyingly scary Sakura. "Use. It."

"Y-Yes ma'am."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, I'm still looking to buy Itachi rights though xDD**

Two chapters in ONE DAY! My am I on a roll. Go me! Go me! Anywho, I made some decisions today.

One: This chapter gets into the 'real' storyline, not just Alex being an idiot.

Two: Sasuke _will _find out eventually. (I was planning to marry the pair to irritate a friend of mine, but I decided better of it. I can see her now with a Kitchen Knife saying "Kill... Kill...")

Three: The story probably won't go over 20,000 words in total. There's only so much you can make fun of Itachi and keep the story interesting, sorry guys.

So, I'll keep writing until I finish. I swear! And, sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Please remember to review after you read n.n

**Note: All thoughts are now italic - sorry it took so long for me to notice.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Five**

"Nii-san… Nii-san…" Sasuke said, prodding his drooling brother in the side of the head. Three days had past since Itachi had turned up 'randomly' on Sasuke's doorstep, and the pair were on relatively good terms – not including the attempted grabs at Sasuke's ass, that were made at the dinner table.

Slowly, Itachi opened his eyes, glancing up at Sasuke. "Wha-" Yawn –"t?"

"Will you teach me how to use the Sharingan properly?"

"Uh… sure."

_What in the hell are Sharingan?_ Alex thought, processing the thought through her mind. _I think Itachi-sama said something about it…_

;-;-;-;-;

_What Itachi said about it…_

"Itachi-sama, why do you have such purdy eyes?"

"…" Itachi had given up trying to answer that question. Alex had asked it every night since she'd been found on the doorstep to Akatsuki Headquarters. Finally, he decided to give her a logical explanation. "They're called Sharingan, and only people born from the Uchiha Clan possess them. They're used to see through illusions, they can copy opponents Jutsu and can easily read an opponents moves."

Alex sat silently for a moment, tilted her head and said; "Itachi-sama, you didn't answer my question."

;-;-;-;-;

_Oooooh, so that's what they are! And I actually have them? Well… uh… Itachi did make me go into that stupid pit of snakes looking like him to get the Sharingan to function… so I guess that it will work. The snakes only bit me though, they didn't teach me how to use them. … Better improvise. Library here I come!_

"Uh, Sasuke-kun, lets train this afternoon, okay?"

"Okay, Nii-san."

Sasuke seemed to be showing a whole new side of himself to Alex, and it was a bit confusing, and it was also irritating to have a smaller version of you tug at your sleeve and point out the fact that you're not wearing any pants.

Still, Alex didn't mind. It just showed that Sasuke cared about her well being in her masters body, that, and walking around with no pants wasn't really becoming.

;-;-;-;-;

"Is that Itachi?"

"Is he reading?"

"SHIT! MY BOOKS FELL OVER!"

All these voices were heard, and most of them were about the oldest Uchiha, who was sitting at a table in the corner, reading as quickly as he could about blood traits of the citizens of Konoha. Funnily enough, the only thing that came up about the Uchiha's was the massacre.

_God. Who would have thought that Itachi-sama would share a name with a homicidal maniac! Whoever this 'Itachi' is, who killed Sasuke-kun's family, man, they must be a real bastard._ Alex thought, reading an article about it, _I'm just so glad that my Itachi-sama isn't it._

­;-;-;-;-;

Itachi had a cold spell down his spine. He could tell that there was something wrong. Looking up from his book, _Thirteen ways to channel your homicidal energy into something more productive_, Itachi sighed. Somewhere, Alex was belittling the name of Uchiha Itachi, probably turning him into a babbling idiot with cool hair. _Ah shit_.

;-;-;-;-;

"Okay, Sasuke? Ready for today's lesson?" Alex asked, trying to sound as positive as she could. This was sickly sweet, seeing as she was mimicking the way that Itachi spoke to her before going into a pit of snakes.

"Hai, Nii-chan!"

"Okay. Well, get into this stance." Itachi said, moving his legs apart and half squatting, pushing his arms out in front of him. Sasuke followed suit.

"How is this helping, Nii-chan?"

"It helps uh… relax and uh… binds muscles. Yeah, that's it. Now, focus really hard on the tree in front of you."

Sasuke concentrated, following what Itachi was doing, which was screwing up his eyes and making a very pained expression. So, Sasuke did the same.

The two boys looked like complete idiots for half an hour before Itachi decided that he'd had enough.

;-;-;-;-;

"A mission?" Sasuke and Itachi stated in unison. Both hands were on top of the desk, looking straight at Tsunade with an amazingly scared expression.

_Man, they're brothers alright. What have they been practising? Synchronised Swimming or something?_ Tsunade twitched when she had a vision of Itachi in a pink bikini, physically shaking it free from her mind.

"Yes, we have a mission for you, Itachi, Sakura and Kakashi."

"What about Naruto?" Itachi asked hurriedly.

"He's left the village for a holiday."

"…"

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! I'm here on mission! I'm not supposed to be making side tracks. Wait… what was my mission again? Oh yeah! I'm supposed to be snuggling up with Sasuke. Funny how that hasn't happened yet. GOD DAMN IT BRAIN! GET BACK ON TARGET! Man, what am I going to do? There's no way I can get out of this mission. And when the people from Akatsuki see me… aw crap. Crap. Crap. Crap!_

"…and that is the reason, so no buts Sasuke."

It appeared that while Alex was battling with her subconsciousness, Sasuke had been trying to fight Tsunade. He didn't want to go on a mission with his older brother… Itachi had a brain issue, for god sakes!

"Apparently," Tsunade said, deciding to finally give them the mission, "Somebody has decided to hold a 'How to get the Homicidal Tendencies out of your system' workshop…"

_To be continued…_

;-;-;-;-;

**Omake 2: Itachi gets Mascara and thinks.**

_"Then, remember, you're going to a; 'How to get the Homicidal Tendencies out of your system' workshop afterwards. And that goes for a week."_

_Okay. After that's over. I'll go set that stupid child straight. She can't cause that much damage in that time… right? I mean, it's not like she's trying to teach Sasuke how to use the Sharingan or anything is it? … Fuck. Itachi, you idiot, you just jinxed it!_

Yay! I had a suggestion about diary entrees. I decided to write it! Whooo! Go me! I'll also be putting in Itachi's classes. Anybody else got any ideas for a Itachi's teacher? I was going to make it Naruto, then I realised it wouldn't work oO; Suggestions are welcome! (A/N: Sorry... not true anymore - Don't kill me!)

;-;-;-;-;

_Dear Diary._

_I really shouldn't write "Dear" anything, because, like, its not my thing. Alex is finally out of my hair, and I guess I should be great full, but I can't get the image out of my head of her doing something bad with Sasuke, and looking like me!_

_Kisame fed me fish today. It tasted like Turkey, personally, but then again you can't trust a fish to cook fish. A good throw up is nice every once in a while though._

_I signed myself up for a Workshop to channel my Homicidal Tendencies. I think it'll be good for me in the long run, I just hope I don't get put with some bastard who likes chopping things and brings a kitchen knife around with him wherever he goes. Yeah, I saw that bastard the other day. He looked like he wanted to rape me._

_I jinx things a lot too. I have a feeling I'm jinxing a lot of Alex's actions while she's Sasuke. Horrible. Horrible. Stupid. Me! I'm sure it can't be all that bad though. I just hope Sasuke hasn't gotten to attached to her._

_On a happier note though, I brought some more black mascara, but this time it's sparkly! I tried it on this afternoon, and it looks so pretty ! I flaunted it to Kisame this afternoon. He didn't really seem to care. You know the best thing, Diary? It came with sparkly BLACK nail polish! It looks pretty too. (I'm writing this with my writing hand while I wait for the other one to dry. I'm so multi-talented!)_

_Gah. Got to go, the hands finished drying. Time to put the new polish on my writing hand and show off to everybody_

_- Itachi_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: It should be obvious by now that I don't own Naruto.**

Hello! I'm back! Whoot! Sorry it took so... long... for me to update, I had a rather nasty case of Writers Block, but I'm back now, and I've decided that I'm going to finish this one before I continue on my other fanfictions. After this one I'll probably try to finish Pokemon Virtual... or write some more one-shots... or start a new one... xDD. Anywho, this is a short chapter, but I find it highly amusing.

**P.S. **I fixed the thoughts problem in chapters 4 and 5. So if you were highly confused, please take time to go back and read those chapters again. (For those of you who didn't notice, all thoughts are supposed to be in Italics xD)

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_"Apparently," Tsunade said, deciding to finally give them the mission, "Somebody has decided to hold a 'How to get the Homicidal Tendencies out of your system' workshop…"_

;-;-;-;-;

"A… workshop on that?" Kakashi asked, mildly amused. "And you think that S Class Criminals have signed up? They'd have to be stupid to."

"Yes I do." Tsunade stated, crossing her arms over her chest, "Because, deep down, we are all made of stupid."

"…"

"Now that we've got that cleared up, I expect you to leave at once."

Now, being the ditz that she was, Alex hadn't heard any of this. She'd fallen into a subliminal battle with her conscious. _What if I get found out? What if… hey… if I go on this mission… I get to see Itachi-sama again!_

All eyes turned to look at Itachi when a sudden look appeared in his eye.

;-;-;-;-;

"Man… I can't believe this." Sasuke muttered, scratching the back of his head irritably, and side glancing up to Itachi, who was almost floating beside him. Itachi had looked so extraordinarily happy since they'd left the Hokage's study.

_I'll get to be with Itachi-sama again! Oh boy! I can't wait! And we can eat shrimp together… and laugh together… and get eaten by poisonous reptiles together… KYAAAA! Just the very thought… what… hold on a second, why is Sasuke looking at me like that? … Well, I guess I am Itachi after all. _She slumped slightly. _Right. Him. My mission comes first._

"Nii-chan, what's the matter?"

"… Nothing. I'm just… OVERLY HYPED ON SUGAR!" Alex, again, saved herself from revealing everything. "…"

"… I see. I… don't recall giving you any sugar."

"What you don't recall can't hurt you!"

;-;-;-;-;

So, it was time to partake on the mission that they all knew they had to do. Well… the mission that three of them felt they had to do. Okay, two. … One then… stuff it. The mission that they didn't want to, but had to do. And, as usual, Kakashi was late.

"What's the matter with Itachi? He's been on cloud nine the entire time he's been here." Sakura asked absentmindedly. Things between her and Sasuke were less strained since Itachi had fallen into their lives. Which had only been two days… but on three different occasions, Sasuke had appeared pleading for mercy on her doorstep. Funny that.

"Beats me." Sasuke replied, pegging a stone at his older Brothers head. Of course, Itachi being the idiot he was, it hit him square in the side of the head.

"YOU!" Alex accused, pointing dramatically at the stone that had hit her in the side of the head. "What do you have against me?" And so, she attempted to wage a war against the inanimate piece of scenery.

"That ought to keep him amused." Sasuke added, stretching. "I envy Naruto – he's so lucky, going on a holiday."

Sakura grunted in reply.

"Yo!" Kakashi announced his arrival, slinging his pack over his shoulder, only to be hit a suspiciously familiar (well, to Sasuke anyway) looking stone. "…"

"YES! TAKE THAT! WHEN YOU FIGHT AGAINST ITACHI, YOU FIGHT WITH…" Alex stopped in mid sentence when she noticed the swelling forming on the side of Kakashi's face. She immediately said; "Didn't do it."

"Roi-ght." Kakashi stated, rubbing the side of his face, "Ouch… anyways… lets head out, shall we?"

;-;-;-;-;

"Why does…"

"He have…"

"So much energy…" The three Konoha ninjas drawled. All three were slumped over, walking side by side, while Itachi was walking like an idiot out in front. So far that day, they'd rescued Itachi from falling over various types of cliffs, getting sucked into drain pipes, being attacked by random wild animals. He had suffered some third-degree burns when he'd fallen into the fire that they'd tried (unsuccessfully) to cook fish, but that didn't seem to hinder him to much.

"Mr. Birdy! It's Mr. Birdy again!" Itachi said suddenly, bouncing in the direction where the red bird from Chapter Two had suspiciously – more like idiotically – landed on a branch near where Itachi had been walking. "Hi Mr. Birdy! Let's be fri…ends?"

Itachi's words were cut short when the bird was abruptly cut in half by Sasuke. "That'll teach you to meddle with me!" Sasuke screeched, glaring triumphantly at the bird.

_They're… exactly… the… same…_ Kakashi and Sakura thought in unison, sweat dropping.

;-;-;-;-;

"I can see it!" Itachi announced happily. They'd finally reached the facility – an old jail (how about that) – where the workshop was going to be held. "Yay! Paaaaaaaartyyyyyyyy!"

"Nii-san, shut up." Sasuke threatened, thumping Itachi on the back of the head. Itachi whined.

"Alright, time to get serious." Kakashi said, trying to ignore Itachi, who was using Henge no Jutsu to try on all different kinds of pink and purple dresses. Sakura and Sasuke tried the same.

"We need to change our looks." Sasuke stated boredly. "Nii-san doesn't, though, I expect they would have been expecting him anyway."

"To true. Although, I'm pretty sure any clinic or workshop would have seen him from far off… Itachi! Grass is not food! Spit it out! You don't know where it's been!"

Itachi followed orders, and spat out the grass he'd been attempting to eat.

"Right. Change into the most violent image you can think of."

"Alright!"

_To be continued…

* * *

_

No omake this chapter... sorry. Hey... it's raining outside o.o! Please remember to read and review n.n


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Don't own it**

Merry Christmas all! I have the second last chapter of the story n.n! So, enjoy.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Seven**

_"Right. Change into the most violent image you can think of."_

_"Alright!"_

;-;-;-;-;

"Sakura…" Kakashi said, sighing, "A cockroach is not the most violent thing you can think of." His gaze turned to Sasuke, "Neither is toothpaste."

The pair, who had attempted to turn into the scariest things they could think of. Sakura had always been afraid of bugs, so she'd automatically transformed into that, while Sasuke had a phobia of toothpaste. Itachi had jammed it up his nose every day since he was five, up until he'd left.

"… Forget it. Just shove on these wigs and contacts."

Of course, knowing Kakashi, it left them all – but Itachi – looking like hippies.

It surprised Kakashi just how casual the workshop sign up was. He'd half expected to have to sneak into classes, but a man had hit him in the head with the signing board. All three signed their names, changing them of course, using nicknames like 'Marmalade', 'Cockroach', and 'Would-somebody-please-make-Itachi-stop-chewing-on-my-ear-lobe'.

;-;-;-;-;

"I'm going to scope around a bit." Sakura whispered, leaving the group and ignoring Kakashi's original plot of 'sticking together'. After all, her disguise was genius! Who'd suspect her?

The place was average, the classes each being held in old cells. Sakura discovered that some of the criminals were boarding there, and that seemed rather ironic to her. Perhaps it was some genius plan to trap S Class Criminals without the trouble of chasing them? Who knew.

She edged her way down the corridor, looking at the various name plaques on the walls. There were ones she registered, and she realised that almost all of Akatsuki were attending, which was probably why Tsunade had sent Naruto away on a holiday at just the right moment.

"This place seems okay… wait… you're kidding…" She stood transfixed, staring at one particular door. It read; Uchiha Itachi. "Wait if he's…"

"Do you need something?"

Sakura whirled around, her surprised glance falling upon the stoic looking Uchiha.

"O-Oh, y-you followed me." Sakura stuttered. This was Itachi after all, the one and the same insane little dipshit that had appeared on Sasuke's doorstep without any warning… wasn't it? "Sh-Shouldn't you be with Sasuke?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow.

"S-Sasuke will be worried if you stay a-away for to long, I-Itachi."

"Worried…?" Itachi muttered offhandedly, before sighing dramatically, rubbing his temple. That could only mean one thing – Alex, that stupid moronic girl, was still alive. Not only that, but it seemed that Sasuke had gotten attached to her. He paused for a moment, his brain working slowly before…

"CRAP!"

Sakura jumped four feet at Itachi's sudden outburst. He was now slapping himself, obviously irritated, in the forehead.

"You." He stated, grabbing her upper arm, "In here."

Sakura didn't even have time to think before she was thrust in the direction of Itachi's room.

;-;-;-;-;

_I don't see him!_ Alex realised sadly, now rocking back and forth on a chair.

"Itachi… so glad of you to join us." The Workshop host muttered, walking through the door.

Upon hearing her Masters name, Alex jumped up, and attached herself firmly to the arm of the lady, attempting to gnaw it off for no particular reason.

"Now then." She said, ignoring her tag along, "Would somebody tell me what you want to achieve out of life?"

Itachi promptly let go the lady's arm, sitting on the chair beside her. He raised his hand. "Me! Me! Pick me! I wanna win a gold fish! Me!"

"… Anybody other than Itachi…? Fine. Itachi, what do you want to achieve out of your bleak, non-existent, pathetic, over-rated life?"

"I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD WITH ITACHI-SAMA, then I want to eat ICE-CREAM with Itachi-sama, then I want to MARRY Itachi-sama! We'd have children, and I've already named them. Wanna know what?… of course you do! I calledededed them – Itachi the Second, Itachi the Third, Itachi the Fourth and BRUCE!" Itachi finished talking, now sitting on his chair like a cat, and rocking back and forth.

_Great._ The lady, for the sake of my imagination we will call Lady, sighed, _The moron wants to marry himself._

Sasuke blushed from embarrassment; "Nii-chan…"

;-;-;-;-;

"…" Sakura sat silently on what she presumed was Itachi's bed, watching him walk back and forth in annoyance. He obviously wasn't thinking straight. Finally, when he realised he was in the presence of Sakura – who he'd completely forgotten about – he straightened up and corrected his posture and stare, pushing the hair back from his face.

"What," he stated firmly, "the hell are you doing here."

"W-What do you mean, Itachi? Ts-Tsunade gave us the mission, remember? Unless… no way. You're not Itachi?"

"Do I look like a stand in to you?" Itachi asked menacingly, boring into Sakura with his Sharingan eyes. Now that he thought about it, the Itachi that was with Sasuke never had his Sharingan on…

"No way. You mean… that you're the real Itachi?"

"No shit Sherlock." Itachi stated irritably, taking the chair next to his desk, "What am I going to do…" His eyes strayed towards Sakura, who now was feeling highly threatened. She was in a room, alone, with the Uchiha murderer…

"Are you… going to… kill me?"

Itachi, who was tapping his fingers against the desk in thought, paused, and stood, opening the draw.

_This is it._ Sakura thought sadly, _In that draw is some kind of weapon or poison or something… Eh? That doesn't look like a weapon!_ Sakura blinked, completely bewildered with Itachi approached her.

"Join me for a game of Chinese checkers?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Once again, all I own is. Me. Me. Me. Anybody got the paperwork for Itachi? I pay good nn;**

Hello! This is the last chapter of _Uchiha Confusion_... man, I hear you all going; "Awwwwww! It didn't even reach 10,000 words!" And then I can hear me replying; "Awwwwww! I'm working on a sequel", which really has nothing to do with the story... but hey. The sequels going to be called "_Hyuuga Obsession_". Can you guess which Hyuuga it's going to be based around? n.n

Anyways, for now, please enjoy the last chapter of _Uchiha Confusion_. Toodles! (xDDD Toodles sounds like Poodles.)

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

_This is it. Sakura thought sadly, In that draw is some kind of weapon or poison or something… Eh? That doesn't look like a weapon! Sakura blinked, completely bewildered with Itachi approached her._

_"Join me for a game of Chinese checkers?"_

;-;-;-;-;

"Chinese… checkers?" Sakura asked, dumbfounded. "I thought… you were…"

"Going to kill you?" Itachi said, sighing, settling himself down on the floor. Sakura followed suit, sitting in front of him – better to just play than die. "Well, I very well would have, but then the $500 I payed to come here would be wasted, so I'll kill your pieces on this board instead."

_I'd better not tell him that I got here for free._ Sakura thought, _But, I'll be damned, this place really works!_

_Two hours later…_

"Right. Now that I have that out of my system," Itachi said, now packing up the game. Sakura had lost miserably against the genius. "Take me to were the stand in is."

;-;-;-;-;

"Is there anything else Itachi is going to try to eat?" Lady asked irritably, holding up her already chomped notice board out of the reach of Itachi's grasp.

Sasuke and Kakashi were looking rather embarrassed. Itachi had been trying to eat everything. Chairs, bookcases, doorknobs, everything. It was also causing them a lot of annoyance. Finally, Itachi resided to chewing on the leg of Sasuke's chair.

"Alex."

The whole group blinked, turning towards the doorway, where Sakura and… another… Itachi… were standing?

Sasuke automatically stood up quickly, causing his chair to fall forward onto Alex's hand. Dramatically, she attempted to pull it free, but to no avail.

"Itachi-sama! Help… me…!"

All glances turned towards where Alex, still looking like Itachi, was trying to desperately remove her hand.

"Lift the chair up, you dipshit." Itachi advised sarcastically. Alex did just that, and Itachi turned to leave, Alex skipping along behind him, followed by Sasuke and Kakashi.

Lady and the class watched as the door shut behind the group. _I… don't even want to know._

;-;-;-;-;

"I don't get it." Sasuke said irritably, looking back and forth between Alex and Itachi, trying to figure out which one was real. "Why are there two…?"

"Neh, neh, Itachi-sama," Alex suddenly piped up, "aren't you proud of me? Didn't I do such a good job being you? Look! Sasuke and you are closer than ever!"

When Alex released the henge no jutsu, Itachi sighed, and he said in a sickly sweet voice; "Oh Aleeeeex, come here."

"Okay!" Alex said, grinning overly hyperactive and innocently, she skipped over to where Itachi was, not noticing the looks of horror on Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi's face.

Itachi promptly whacked her over the head.

"OW! Itachi-sama, that hurt."

"That's it. We're going home right now, young lady. And you're going straight to your cage!"

"Waaah! Itachi-sama! That's no fair!" Alex whined, now being dragged by the ear by Itachi. Both of them turned the corner and went out of sight.

"Well wasn't that the strangest sight you've ever seen?" Kakashi asked. All three were trying to get their heads about what had just happened, although Sasuke was feeling a little empty.

Of course, the Uchiha Brothers had learnt one thing from this misplaced adventure: Some people never change.

**END**

;-;-;-;-;

**Omake 3: The Trip Home**

_"That's it. We're going home right now, young lady. And you're going straight to your cage!"_

_"Waaah! Itachi-sama! That's no fair!" Alex whined, now being dragged by the ear by Itachi. Both of them turned the corner and went out of sight._

**­**I ended the story rather abruptly, because I was… actually… getting kind of bored writing it. Things can only be really hilarious when Alex is Itachi without Itachi around, so that's why the last two chapters were kind of… dead. Itachi, of course, has no sense of humour what so ever, and thus he didn't really contribute anything to it. Anyways, thank you for reading my second Fanfiction mini-series. To thank you, I've written another omake…

;-;-;-;-;

"And then, you know what Sasuke did? He ran and locked himself in the toilet, it was so funny Itachi-sama!" Alex laughed, grinning hyperactively as she struggled to keep up with the irritated Uchiha. After all, you'd be irritated if you'd just wasted $500.

"…"

"And you know what else? I discovered that you two were MARRIED! I really didn't know you swung that way. It really surprised me. You know what else, Itachi-sama? I destroyed like 100 Ice-cream stands while I was there! I knew we could rule the world with Ice-cream, didn't you? I know you did, well at least, I know I did, but that's not the point…"

_Doesn't she ever shut up?_ Itachi thought, stopping momentarily at a stream. They were now safely out of the fire country, so he figured it was alright to slow down. Alex stopped too, looking happily at the water.

"I WANNA CATCH A FISHY!"

"It sounds like you had fun." Itachi said offhandedly, "Tell me, did Sasuke even attempt to kill you?"

"No… he saved me a lot though! First it was from drowning, then from falling off a cliff, then from rat poison…"

Each time Alex listed something that Sasuke had saved her from, Itachi felt a knife go through his very soul.

Then, a very scary thing happened. Alex turned around suddenly and demanded; "GIMMEE A HUG!"

"W-What?"

"A HUG! Itachi-sama, can I have a hug? Can I please, can I?" She then propelled herself at the braced Uchiha, only to get a mouthful of dirt.

"What… are you on?" Itachi spluttered, now holding Alex off by a palm to the forehead.

"Well…" Alex paused momentarily, thinking, "They did have Red Cordial at the lunch table…"

Itachi paled. "SPIT IT OUT!"

"Huh?"

"SPIT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!" Itachi grabbed Alex and swung her around, using her own finger to press down the back of her throat, bringing up everything she had for lunch. "Few." He said after she had successfully thrown up all of the red liquid. "That was yet another crisis averted."

* * *

Again, thank's a bunch for reading! And look out for the sequel n.n!


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